Marriage is Hard Work!
By the time every marriage goes past the honey moon stage and life begins to take its toll on both spouse (including and not limited to the coming in/birth of children, the marriage goes through some level of stress.
In this part of the world, the 'burden' of carrying the burden of building a marriage is usually saddled on the shoulder of the wife, and coupled with her business/career/studies vis a vis pregnancy and child birth, she may tend to forget what it means to be sweet, romantic, intentional about herself and so on.
Below I have listed 18 of such lethal mistakes we wives make that tends to spell doom for every marriage.
1. PROLONGING SILENT TREATMENT WHEN OFFENDED TO SHOW YOU ARE ANGRY
This makes you and your husband used to not talking and makes you two draw further apart doing major damage to your communication. Even when he does wrong, get angry, but get to talk about it and forgive quickly
2. KILLING YOUR SOCIAL LIFE IN THE NAME OF BEING A GOOD WIFE
Don't isolate yourself. Have mature friends to surround you, to grow with you as a wife. This makes your life richer, widens your worldview, challenges you and makes you less demanding on your husband's time. Again, make sure the lady friends you keep are of good character. You need fellow women who will stand with you, iron sharpens iron
3. OVER REACTING OR GETTING EASILY ANGRY
When your husband reveals to you information and you over react or you become highly suspicious or critical of him, that will discourage him from sharing matters with you in future and he will begin to be secretive, not because he wants to but because he would rather avoid the toxic environment you bring when over reacting. Secrecy opens up a door to many dangers in your marriage.
4. USING SEX AS A WEAPON
Never try to punish your husband by denying him sex. This will make him desire your sex less. Once your sex-life is damaged, your marriage will suffer. Never play games with sex
5. LISTENING TO OUTSIDE VOICES MORE THAN TO YOUR HUSBAND
You and your husband know your marriage and the issues concerning your marriage best, not your family or friends. When you listen to multiple voices to direct your marriage, you will get confused. The best person to talk to is your husband. Don't make your husband feel you value more what others say than what he says
6. SHARING PERSONAL INFORMATION WITH OUTSIDERS
There are things to tell your friends and there are things best kept between you and your husband. Do not bad mouth your husband to the public. Don't gossip about him. Cover him
7. ATTACKING THE SYMPTOMS AND NOT THE ISSUE
If your husband drinks too much, don't attack the alcohol or your husband; find out what is making him drink and address the issue. Is he stressed, is he going through something? If your husband is addicted to pornography, don't attack the porn and your husband; address the reason causing him to turn to porn, is it sexual frustration or dissatisfaction? Is he battling low self-esteem issues?
8. DRESSING UP WHEN GOING OUTSIDE, DRESSING POORLY AT HOME
Do not look good for outsiders and wear nice clothes when going to work or to the public but look pathetic when with your husband at home or in the bedroom. Your goal is to be visually stimulating to your husband
9. LETTING GO OF YOUR DREAMS FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR MARRIAGE
Don't end your career and throw away all your years of education and experience, all your talent and skills because you are a wife. Get a job, keep your job, make money, get into business, study, advance your goals. Grow. There is more to your life than marriage. When you stagnate and stop growing, you will become less compatible with your husband and he will soon struggle to relate with you because he has grown more than you over the years
10. COMPARING YOUR HUSBAND WITH OTHER MEN
Don't keep telling your husband, 'Why can't you be like this man or that man'. The fastest way to kill your husband's self-esteem, ego, dreams and drive is by praising other men and looking down on him
11. ABANDONING YOUR HUSBAND
When you get a child/children, don't abandon your husband and stop meeting his needs. Don't push him aside. Show him you still need him. Do parenthood together but also still remember you need to keep the warmth as a couple. Yes, you can balance being a wife and a mother, just like he can balance being a husband and a father. Don't belittle him saying being a mother is more hard work than being a father. You need each other
12. COMPETING WITH OTHER COUPLES
Don't compete with other couples in order to make an impression. When you want to live like other couples and have what they have, you will only make your marriage shallow. Don't make your husband feel not good enough because you are admiring other marriages. Stop playing catch up. Find your own identity, goals and pace as a couple
13. FORCING CHANGE IN YOUR HUSBAND
Stop shouting at your husband and trying to manipulate him or control him to change. If you want him to be better at something, simply inspire him to do so. Win him over with love and praise, not coercion. If you force him it will back fire on you and he will rebel and repel
14. BEING YOUR HUSBAND'S BIGGEST CRITIC
Stop being the woman who sees no good in your husband. Of course you saw good in him and that's why you got married to him. Don't cancel all the good he has done for years when he does one or a few mistakes. Don't keep a record of his wrongs. Be his biggest fan, his number one cheerleader and he will do great things with you and for you
15. HIDING IN CHURCH AND ABANDONING YOUR HOME
Lady, it is good to be active for God, to go for keshas, to pray for your family. But remember the Church is not a building. The Church is a living body. Your first responsibility is your home. Be present at home. You are the answer to the prayers you make for your marriage and family. God will bless your marriage, not because of the hours you put in a religious building but the effort you put at home
16. BEING PASSIVE IN THE NAME OF SUBMISSION
Being a submissive wife doesn't mean you sit pretty and lack initiative, it doesn't mean you don't have a voice or you wait for your husband in everything. Contribute. Get a vision for your marriage and share it with him. Ask your husband questions. Identify needs at home and meet them. Lead with your husband, don't just tag along. Take your husband out on dates. Come up with ideas and discuss them with your husband. Make sexual advances on your husband
17. BOTTLING IN ISSUES
Stop keeping things to yourself pretending you are happy. Stop holding grudges deep inside you. Stop wearing a plastic smile. Stop thinking your husband will know what is bothering you if you don't say it. Stop calling your husband insensitive yet you don't voice to him what is disturbing you. If you keep things inside you they will grow and one day blow up in an ugly way. If your husband has wronged you, confront him with love
18. THREATENING DIVORCE TO SCARE YOUR HUSBAND
Do not casually use the word divorce. Do not use threats. Do not tolerate thoughts of ending your marriage lest you risk the danger of appearing irrational and indecisive. Every marriage will have its challenges but that doesn't mean you toy with the idea of exiting it. If you do, divorce will actually be an irreversible reality
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