Saturday, April 10, 2021

How do I tell him no sex before marriage

The future and destiny of your marriage is too important and sacrosanct not to discuss the issue of premarital sex before hand and take and agreeable stand on it. 

Let’s talk about sex baby! If you don’t know where that line is from, please kneel down next time to greet me 😂😂 (just joking!) But seriously, can we talk about sex? Or more importantly, can we talk about how to avoid having sex as a singleton? Maybe you’ve been thinking “I don’t want to have sex before marriage; what do I do?” Here’s some practical help.

This isn’t coming from a perfect woman who was a virgin on her wedding night. If I have never said it before, let me say it now so you know. I was not a virgin. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get to the heart of the matter.

Premarital sex is a no-no. God said it. That’s what it is. So, how do we then avoid having sex and stay on this path that God has called us to? Here are a few things to help:

  1. Make a quality decision about your purity and not having sex before marriage. See if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. It’s best to make this decision before you meet the man and are already grounded in your decision. 
  2. Be accountable. Find someone of godly character who will keep you accountable.
  3. When you meet that special someone, have an adult conversation about premarital sex. None of this business of assuming that they will know or understand. The reason we feel pressured about sex in relationships is because we didn’t have an adult conversation about it. You are not a child anymore, be an adult about it.
  4. Set boundaries. What kind of boundaries? No sleepovers (not even if you are getting married to each other). No hanging out in isolation. Go out to public places. Have a chaperone if you are going to visit each other at home. No heavy petting (that’s like playing with fire at a fuel station). Avoid risqué clothing that will stimulate sexual arousal (you have your entire marriage for that).
  5. Ask the Holy Spirit to constantly guide you. Even though I have listed some boundaries, He knows you better than I do. He knows what you will and can do. Tell Him to show you what to do.

This isn’t an exhaustive list but one to get you started. And by the way, the guy doesn’t need to test the goods before buying. If he wants to, even if he is a Christian brother you met in church, tell him to keep it walking. You deserve a man that will honour your decision to stay pure, not one that can’t control his affections. Self control is a fruit of the Spirit. Let him put a ring on it first.

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