Intrinsically, the males and females are designed uniquely, their wants defer greatly. It is the understanding of these unique differences in them that brings about a rewarding friendship, union or marriage. When their unique differences are blended harmoniously, it gives God glory. We need to understand these differences God created in males and females.
Furthermore, when we know about our differences in the way males and females think, act and respond, we will hardly have quarrels in interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships with friends, or in male-female relationships and even marriages. In this way we will work cooperatively in fulfilling God`s purposes, and putting the devil into shame.
FIRST UNIQUE DIFFERENCE: A MAN WANTS RESPECT WHILE THE WOMAN WANTS LOVE
Ephesians 5:33 says “Each one of you (husband) also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” A man doesn`t just desire respect, he needs it. It`s part of his nature as leader, protector, and provider. The need for respect is at the core of his self esteem, and it affects every other area of his life.
While receiving love is a woman`s greatest need. God created the female so the male would have someone with whom to share earthly love. To love means to cherish and to care for. Because she was created for the purpose of receiving love, a woman doesn`t just desire love, she truly requires it. As much as a man needs to know that he is respected, a woman needs to feel that she is loved. When a man spends time with a woman, it makes her feel cherished because she knows she comes first in his life.
SECOND UNIQUE DIFFERENCE: A MAN DESIRES RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP WHILE THE WOMAN WANTS OR LIKES CONVERSATION
It`s a man`s competitive or “territorial” nature that leads to his need for recreational companionship. He needs to be involved in challenging activities, and he likes to win. That`s why most times we see men being so crazy about football and even other games. Nothing blesses a man more than when a woman is involved in his favorite recreation. A woman may think oh what is in this football self “just 22 men on the pitch chasing a football”, but just do your man a favor by liking the recreation he likes, it pays and he likes it.
While in conversation, a woman desires to have a man talk with her and not at her. There`s a difference. A man should talk to woman at the feeling level and not just the knowledge and information level. She needs him to listen to her attitudes about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest and concern, resisting the impulse to offer solutions. Instead, he should offer his full attention and understanding.
THIRD UNIQUE DIFFERENCE: A MAN`S NEED IS SEX WHILE A WOMAN NEEDS AFFECTION
A man`s need for sex is one of the strongest needs imaginable. It`s an aspect of his makeup that gives him great fulfillment. He is just wired to love sex. A woman needs to be sensitive to her husband`s need for sex. Sex is a good thing, it was created by God and everything God created is good. Genesis 1:31 says “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good”. God created man and woman and their sexual nature, but the sex should be practiced only in the context of marriage. In this sex thing the husband and wife should apply wisdom, for the Bible says that husbands and wives are to fulfill one another`s sexual needs (1 Cor. 7 3-5). It also says that a husband is to be sensitive to his wife`s overall needs, treating her with consideration and respect. (See 1 Peter 3:7)
While man desires sex, the woman loves affection. The woman`s natural focus is on the sensory, intuitive, and emotional realms of life, and this is why she has a corresponding need for affection. She needs an atmosphere of affection in order to feel loved and fulfilled. Affection is the environment in which to grow a wonderful relationship/marriage. Males and females need to understand that affection creates the environment for sexual union in marriage, while sex is the event.
If a man is not sure how to be affectionate, he should sit down with his wife and ask her gently and sincerely. Giving affection to a woman means appealing to that which makes her an emotional being. Sometimes a woman just wants her husband to sit with her, hold her hand, and talk with her. Her need can also be met by plenty of hugs and kisses, a steady flow of words, cards, and flowers, common courtesies and meaningful gifts that show the man is thinking of her – that he esteems her and values her presence in his life.
FOURTH UNIQUE DIFFERENCE: THE MAN IS A LOGICAL THINKER WHILE THE WOMAN IS NATURALLY AN EMOTIONAL FEELER
A male`s first reaction will be a thinking one, but he will also feel. A female`s first reaction will be an emotional one, followed by a thinking one. There is a physiological explanation for these tendencies. Fewer nerves connect the two hemispheres of the male`s brain compared to a woman`s brain, so that the logical and emotional sides are not as closely related as they are for woman. This is why men think in terms of facts and in a linear way.
While in a woman`s brain, the neutral pathways between the left and right hemispheres (both the logical and the emotional sides) are intact. This is why women are able to do multiple tasks at the same time, rather than having to focus on just one. A woman`s brain is designed to pick up many details men don’t see. This is why when a man introduces a new female friend to her wife, the wife watches how her husband talks and laughs with the female friend, and later she would tell her husband, “please be careful with her”. The husband may say “oh no, darling there is nothing between myself and her oh”, and she would say “I know just be careful”, trust me, she has seen beyond (probably what the man didn`t see), and that`s why she would tell the man “please just be careful”. The man needs to understand her perspective, and respect it.
THE FIFTH AND THE LAST UNIQUE DIFFERENCE: A MAN SPEAKS WHAT HE IS THINKING WHILE A WOMAN SAYS WHAT SHE IS FEELING
When a man speaks, he speaks with facts and conveys the direct information, most times he generally doesn`t talk much, because he is speaking what he is thinking. Women misunderstand this, because she is an “emotional feeler”, she evaluates both verbal and nonverbal communication. Sometimes she just thinks perhaps “oh this dude doesn`t like me that much and that is why he doesn`t want to talk much with me”. Most times, that`s wrong, a woman needs to understand that that`s how the man is wired.
A woman doesn`t always tell a man what she is thinking. If she becomes emotional, the man needs to be patient and work through her emotions to find out what she`s thinking. Sometimes, the man has to dig deep to find what is actually on her mind, because what a woman is thinking is often different from what she is saying. She would take a long time before she conveys her thought, because of her emotional feature. That`s why when they tell the man how their day went, they will speak for long instead of just mentioning the highlights of the day. Same reason goes when a lady gives a testimony in the church; her talk is always longer than necessary, she wants to be very detailed. A man needs to understand this feature and be patient with her when she talks.
Conclusively, men and women need to understand the above five distinct differences in their desires or needs. Because of the way they are designed, their needs are like a built-in component. When we focus only on our needs, and when we refuse to be content unless they are immediately met, we bring conflicts and unhappiness into our relationships. We stop seeing one another as gifts from God and starts resenting one another. You know what? If you want to be blessed, don`t focus on your needs only but discover what the other person`s needs are and seek to fulfill them. This approach will become a double blessing, you know why? Because consistently meeting the needs of another person will often cause that person to want to fulfill yours, and you will both live happily together – just the way God wants it.
Remain blessed, and make that relationship, that marriage to work, let`s reduce or even stop totally conflicts and/or broken homes scenarios, for statistics have shown that the break down in a society is largely due to disintegrated or broken homes. It may surprise you that most of these boko haram boys, miscreants and touts in our society today are from broken homes.
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