Dear married but unhappy and unfulfilled, I have come to give you unsolicited advice 🥴
I want to address the women in particular as usual.
You see ehn, marriage is beautiful but you can be in it and feel so sad, left out, and bitter if you don't look out for yourself.
How can you do that?
📌 Self-Love. This means having a high regard for your well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.
Self-love gives you the courage to be assertive, make decisions, and set boundaries in your lives.
Here are some of the benefits of self-love: Increased self-esteem. Self-love is bound up with self-esteem – which is vital for good mental health.
So please, love yourself so much. Be selfish. Put yourself first before anyone. If you don't, you won't even have any love to give.
My children once asked me who I love the most in the family and I responded "ME". I love myself more than all of you.
📌 Self-Care. Practice good self-care. You will love yourself more when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-care nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy, and healthy social interactions.
Buy that hair, bag, shoes, or anything you love to own and can afford without looking back. Don't be stingy with yourself. Some women dedicate so much to their children and spouse while they look haggard.
Clean up yourself. Your skin, your looks, your smell, and your hair should be in order and you don't have to break the banks to get that done.
📌 Don't lose yourself in that marriage. Cleaning, scrubbing, washing cooking, and doing all kinds of domestic chores every single day without rest. This is your routine from Mon to Sunday, especially house wives.
This can make you a frustrated angry person and easily irritated. I am talking from personal experience here which may or may not apply to everyone.
Ejiro afufu anya isi. Get a help to assist you please before you collapse one day. It will not reduce your "virtuous wifeness".
Try to put your feet up and rest. Stop labouring too much. It is not even good for your health. House work is one of the most stressful and time consuming work to do which sadly most people don't appreciate or regard you for doing it.
The children you think you're labouring so hard for will eventually grow and leave you. If you leave yourself completely out and dedicate your entire being on them, you will be so clingy to your children when they eventually leave and will keep saying "after all I have done for you people" on every slightest issue.
📌 Self Development. This can never be overemphasised. Self development is the process of learning new things and building new skills—skills that help us increase our chances of success, achieving our goals, and manifesting our dreams.
Even if you're a stay at home mum, pls develop yourself and be valuable. Be that wife your partner will have so much respect for and a healthy fear of losing because you bring so much value and influence.
Don't be swallowed up in marriage running the home and not achieving anything for yourself. When you look at other succesful women you become sad because you have not added any value to yourself.
And please quit making the excuse of "I sacrificed my career and success to raise my children". You can achieve both successfully.
You can start by enrolling in online classes/schools. You can learn a lot of skills on YouTube. You can start a small business from home. Etc..
When you start making money and become very busy adding value to yourself, you won't have time to notice that neighbour you greeted and she didn't answer or your sister inlaw who took two peices meat from your pot instead of one.
My mum went to the University while married and having children and still was the best graduating student in her department that year. So, drop all your excuses.
Life is fickle. What if you're partner is no where to be found, can you hold your family down financially? #foodforthought
📌 Breathe. You see men after work or weekends, make out time to hang out with their friends and unwind. They relax, drink, laugh, gist and play. Some go to clubs to dance away stress.
But my gender is busy with their triangular life style. "House - Work - House" and some "House - Market - School run - House"
Woman, learn to breathe. When your office sends you on that official assignment a few days out of your city, jump on it. Don't give excuses why you can't go. Use that time to rest your head and spend quality time with yourself or colleagues. The family you left behind a few days will not d!e.
Occasionally check out from home with your spouse to a hotel or just somewhere away from your children for a few days. They will not d!e while you're away. I do this one often. When you count the number of times they call "mummy" in a day, it's enough to drive one crazy. Go and let out the stream. You'll come back refreshed and relaxed.
I love going to parties because I love to dress up. Hubby gets me his party invites so I can go and have fun even without him attending. These are little things I love doing to unwind.
📌 Keep a small and solid circle of friends. Be with people you'll learn from, the ones that will challenge you to grow and do better and not those who dedicate their life gossiping and backbiting.
That time you waste in that meaningless WhatsApp/Facebook/Telegram etc..groups gossiping, if you put that data and time in good use, you'll be proud of yourself in just 6 months.
📌 Routine Health Check. The female body goes through a lot of wear and tear in the cause of reproduction. Some develope pregnancy induced High blood pressure or Diabetes. Some go after pregnancy but some don't and you get to deal with these illnesses.
You don't want to put in so much and end up dealing with health issues when you're old.
Lose that excess weight if it affects your health, go for regular checks and screening. Breast and cervical cancer screenings. Go for an overall health screening at least once a year.
Any disease detected early is easier to treat. So pls take your health seriously.
I still have a lot of things in my head to write but this is becoming so long. that I'll stop here and maybe continue later.
"There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish" - Michelle Obama
Cc: Linda Chinemerem Paul